Say You Love Me Read online

  After lunch I called my lawyer, who reassured me he had a team looking into the preacher’s background. So far they’d found nothing, but he said they wouldn’t stop until they uncovered some good dirt. If not, he’d make a solid case out of the preacher’s failure to help my nana with Kim. What kind of man of the cloth turns his back on his own kid?

  The medicine the doctor gave me made me drowsy, and I fell into a fitful sleep, worrying over Jake alone with that man. I woke up to the sound of manic barking, followed by the slamming of the front door and Jake calling to the dogs. I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, checking the clock. It was just after four, and Jake was home for the weekend, unless, of course, that preacher found a way to get him. I’d deliberately left the courthouse without exchanging phone numbers. I didn’t want that creep calling me.

  I swung my legs over the side of the bed as the bedroom door cracked open.

  Cesar poked his head inside. “You awake, bella?”

  “Yeah.” The act of speaking made that tickle in my throat turn into an all-out itch. I coughed before taking a sip of cold tea. At least my throat was no longer burning. I shielded my eyes against the glare of the sun when Cesar opened the patio doors, but the warm breeze blowing through my hair and tickling my nape felt nice.

  He crossed the room and sat beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “How you feeling?”

  “Better.” I sighed, leaning into him.

  He kissed my forehead. “You don’t feel feverish anymore,” he breathed.

  A sneeze snuck up on me so fast, I barely had time to cover my nose. I grabbed a box of tissues off the nightstand and blew my nose. “Sorry,” I mouthed as Niagara Falls flowed from my nostrils.

  The phone on the nightstand buzzed, and a feeling of dread raced up my spine. For some reason I suspected whoever was on the line had bad tidings.

  I swore under my breath when I saw the number lit up on the screen: Candace, Jake’s social worker.

  Cesar saw the number and flashed me a look of pity.

  I reluctantly hit Talk. “H-hi, Candace.”

  “Hi, Miss Boudreau. How are you?”

  Candace sounded genuinely concerned. She’d undoubtedly noticed me hacking my brains out yesterday, or maybe she’d witnessed my fainting episode on the courthouse steps.

  I let go of Cesar’s hand and coughed, hating that my throat itched at the most inopportune moment. “Guess I could be better.”

  “Reverend Miller has asked about seeing Jake this weekend.”

  A punch to the gut. That’s what her words felt like. All the moisture in my mouth evaporated in an instant, and I couldn’t summon the strength to speak. Somewhere in the distance, I thought I heard Jake’s laughter and the dogs’ playful barking, but I could hardly focus over the wild beating of my heart. That man. That awful man wanted to take Jake from me.

  “Miss Boudreau?” Her voice sounded a thousand miles away.

  I was vaguely aware of Cesar rubbing my back. I knew he was trying to comfort me, but it wasn’t working. I cleared my throat, swallowing back burning bile. “I-I’m here.”

  “I need to give you his phone number.”

  “Can you text it to me?” I hardly knew what I was saying. I was so numb, it was as if someone else was speaking for me.

  “Sure. Do you mind if I give him your number?”

  Did I mind? Fuck yeah, I minded. I didn’t want to have anything to do with Miller, and I certainly didn’t want him taking my nephew. I rested the phone against my chest, looking at Cesar through foggy eyes.

  He continued to rub my back, mouthing, “I love you.”

  I’d never been more grateful to Cesar than I was at that moment. Knowing I had his love and support gave me strength.

  I sat up straighter and picked up the phone. “Do I have a choice?”

  “Unfortunately, no. If you go against the judge’s orders, he could give the reverend full custody.”

  I could almost see her wincing. But her discomfort was nothing to the bone-crushing terror I felt. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

  I heaved a reluctant groan. “Okay then.”

  “Miss Boudreau, I’ve already been to the reverend’s home. It’s a quaint little house connected to a church on several acres.” She spoke in a wistful tone, as if she was describing freaking Disneyland. “There’s a pond and a stream and farm animals. I think Jake will love it. The reverend seems like a nice man.”

  A nice man? She could tell all that in just one visit? Sure, he was nice. He had over $500 million reasons to be nice.

  “Then why didn’t he help my nana with Kim after my mom died?” I didn’t mean to sound so aggressive, like I was slapping her face with my tone, but I didn’t regret it. These people were playing with Jake’s safety and emotional well-being as if this was a game.

  “People can change.”

  I couldn’t believe this load of optimistic bullshit was coming from the perpetually frowny social worker. Cesar must have heard her, because he let out a string of curse words.

  “Forgive me for being skeptical of a man who suddenly shows up after I inherit a fortune.” My voice rose, along with my ire.

  “I understand your concern, and if it makes you feel any better, I will be checking up on Jake when he’s with the reverend.”

  Actually, that did make me feel better. “Please do. Jake has been through so much. I don’t want to see him hurt again.”

  “Neither do I. Thank you, Miss Boudreau. I’ll call the reverend now.”

  “Fine.”

  I hung up, fighting the urge to smash the phone, feeling a mixture of annoyance, confusion, and rage. How could it have come to this? The judge had given a complete stranger visitation rights without first ordering a thorough background check. I couldn’t help but think that clergy collar had something to do with the judge’s decision. This wouldn’t have happened if my stupid lawyer had been there. Anger welled, threatening to close off my windpipe, and my eyes misted over.

  I wiped moisture from my eyes. “Did you hear?” I asked Cesar.

  Twin tornadoes swirled in his eyes. I’d never seen my boyfriend so pissed off.

  “I’ll handle him when he calls,” he spoke through a jaw so tight, his lips barely moved.

  A mixture of relief and dread washed over me. “Are you sure?” On the one hand, I loathed the idea of having to talk to that deadbeat. On the other, I hated piling so much stress on Cesar. He dealt with enough drama at work.

  Cesar slipped the phone from my hand. “I don’t want him upsetting you.”

  “I’m going to have to face him eventually.” Even though I tried to put on a brave front, my conviction lost steam.

  “Not today.” He patted the bed. “Today you rest.”

  “What if he wants to see Jake this weekend?” A wave of dizziness hit me, and I leaned back against my pillow with a groan. “You were going to take us to the lake.”

  Cesar leaned over me, brushing a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “We can go to the lake next weekend. You’re too sick.”

  He was right, damn him. I still felt like crap. My head was so full of junk, I thought it was going to explode, my throat still hurt, but worst of all was the bone-deep ache I got as reality set in. I feared this minister wouldn’t love Jake as I loved him, and if he tried to use him to get to my money, he’d only hurt Jake in the process.

  I hated the feeling of defeat that crushed my chest like a two-ton brick. “So I’m supposed to let him have Jake?”

  “The judge said two weekends a month.” Cesar patted my knee like he was comforting a child. “Might as well get it over with.”

  I jerked when the phone rang. “Fuck.”

  Cesar frowned at the screen and then answered. “Hello.” His voice was gruffer than usual. Good. I wanted Cesar to put the fear of God in this supposedly God-fearing man.

  I cringed at the faint sound of a man’s voice coming from the receiver as I distinctly heard him ask for me by name.<
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  Cesar crossed his arms, his brows dipping in a deep V. “She’s not available. If you need something, you will have to talk to me.”

  There was pause, and I barely heard the minister asking about Jake.

  “Tomorrow?” Cesar looked at me for confirmation.

  I twisted my fingers in my lap before slowly nodding. Shit. I hated the judge for putting us in this position.

  “What time?” Cesar asked.

  Another pause, and I thought I heard the minister say seven a.m. Ha! There was no way I was getting Jake up that early on a weekend. I shook my head.

  “That’s too early,” Cesar said in a tone so stern, he left no room for refusal. “Make it nine.” Another pause. “I’ll text you the address. You don’t have a cellphone?” Cesar swore and then got off the bed and walked out to the balcony. “Do you have pen and paper?” I heard him say before he was too far away for me to hear the rest. He came back a minute later, his mouth set in a grim line. “It’s done.” He handed me the phone.

  I held the phone in my hand, looking down at it as if it had been defiled. I numbly added his number to my contacts list. “I don’t want to do this.” Tears streamed down my face.

  “I know, bella.” Cesar opened his arms. “Come here.”

  I crawled into his lap and sobbed while he rubbed my back. My mind raced with wild thoughts, and I couldn’t stop worrying about what would happen to Jake in this man’s care.

  Cesar rocked me while kissing my temple. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on tight, hoping he’d never let me go. Ariana might have been right that I didn’t know Cesar well enough, but one thing I did know. I needed him now more than ever.

  * * *

  “Where’s Irma?” I asked, sitting down to dinner.

  Cesar pushed my chair in and then sat beside me. “I told her we had a private matter to discuss,” he said with a wink.

  “Oh?” I breathed a sigh of relief and flashed him an appreciative smile.

  He chuckled. “She wasn’t too happy.”

  Though he laughed it off, I sensed an underlying tension in the way his shoulders stiffened.

  I squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry.”

  He shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

  But I did worry. Right before dinner, Cesar had helped me downstairs and sat me on the living room sofa. Irma had stomped into the room, brushing past him and grumbling while cleaning dog slobber off the windows. She’d been in a better mood earlier. I didn’t know what had happened to change her back into a grumpy old hag, but our lives had enough drama. I didn’t need her driving Cesar away again.

  I uncovered a baking dish, looking down at what appeared to be a chicken casserole. The food smelled heavenly, but there were plenty of good cooks out there. I’d just have to keep looking.

  I stabbed the casserole with a big spoon. “As soon as I get better, I’ll call Sara and insist she come get Irma.”

  Cesar pried the spoon out of my fingers. “We have enough to deal with at the moment. We’ll handle her later.”

  My heart caught in my throat at his sincerity. Was he really willing to put up with Irma for me? My throat tightened, and it took all of my effort to push back tears. Gah! What was wrong with me? I was way too emotional lately.

  Jake bounded into the room, the entire front of his shirt soaked after I’d told him to wash up for dinner.

  “There you are.” I forced smile and held out my hand. “Come here.”

  Jake leaned into me, his big, trusting eyes searching mine. He wrapped bony arms around my shoulders. “Are you better, Auntie?”

  I cupped his cheek, wiping off stray drops of water. “I’m getting there.”

  He flashed a smile that lit up my whole world. “What’s for dinner?” He rubbed his belly.

  “Looks like a casserole.” I swallowed a lump of tension. “Before we eat, Cesar and I need to talk to you about something.”

  His face fell, and he looked from me to Cesar. “What is it?”

  My heart clenched at the worry in his eyes. Had he sensed my tension, or had he always been this scared?

  Cesar cleared his throat, setting his glass of tea on the table with a clink. “Did you know your Grandpa Miller?”

  “Who?” Jake scrunched his features.

  “Your mother’s father,” I said. “Reverend Jim Miller.” So much for my sister and the preacher claiming he used to visit Jake. I shouldn’t have been surprised they’d lied.

  Jake scratched the back of his head. “I think I met him once.”

  I shared a shocked look with Cesar.

  “Once?” Cesar asked.

  “Yeah.” Jake shrugged and toyed with the end of a napkin.

  I grabbed Jake’s shoulders. “What happened?”

  His voice dropped to a barely audible whisper. “Mom and him got in a fight.”

  “Why?”

  Jake twisted the napkin around his finger. “She wanted money, and he didn’t have any.”

  Of course he didn’t. He was a deadbeat. “I see.” I folded my hands in front of me, pretending to act cool and collected while Jake took a seat across from me. “And was this grandpa nice to you?”

  “I don’t know. He didn’t really talk to me.” Jake pointed his fork at the casserole. “Can I eat now?”

  I clutched the serving spoon, squeezing so hard the wood crackled. “Jake, the judge said your Grandpa Miller gets to visit you every other weekend.”

  He gaped at me, then at Cesar. “But I don’t know him.”

  “I know.” Cesar fixed Jake with an unwavering stare. “But your grandpa said he wanted to see you.”

  Jake vehemently shook his head. “But I want to be with you guys.”

  Sorrow squeezed my chest like a vice. “I know, buddy.” I reached across the table, clutching his small hand. “We want you, too. The judge said we have to let your grandpa see you. If he’s not nice to you, you have to let us know, and we’ll tell your social worker.”

  Jake’s eyes widened. “Miss Candace?”

  I slowly nodded. “If she tells the judge he’s not nice, then maybe you won’t have to see him anymore.”

  “Okay.” Jake frowned down at his empty plate. “When do I have to see him?”

  Aw, shit. I leaned on an elbow and shielded my eyes. I couldn’t let Jake see me cry, but this was crushing me.

  “He’s picking you up tomorrow morning and keeping you until Sunday night,” Cesar answered.

  Jake’s silverware clattered against the plate. “But you said you were taking me fishing.”

  I had no idea how Cesar managed to sound so calm. “I will take you fishing next weekend.”

  Jake chewed on his lip, looking lost in thought. Finally, his eyes lit up. “Can I bring the dogs?”

  I couldn’t help but share a smile with Cesar. This kid was resilient. I was so damn proud of him.

  “I don’t know.” I dug into the casserole, scooping a heaping spoonful onto Jake’s plate. “We’ll have to talk to your grandpa about that.”

  Cesar pointed his fork at Jake. “Give your grandpa a chance this weekend. You never know. You might like him.”

  Cesar took the serving spoon from me and piled food on his plate. I warily eyed Jake while scooping a small portion for myself. My stomach wasn’t right from the antibiotics and stress. I doubted I could eat more than a few bites.

  Jake shoveled a spoonful of food into his mouth, made a face, and then took another bite. “Okay,” he said casually, as if he was deciding between vanilla or chocolate ice cream, and not at all worried his future happiness was dependent on a man who, until recently, hadn’t made an effort to show him any interest.

  Cesar bit into his food and then grimaced. “What is this crap?”

  I took a bite. It was okay, but it did have a sour aftertaste. Then again, strep throat had killed most of my taste buds. Maybe that was a good thing. I couldn’t imagine what Cesar was tasting. Maybe Irma was trying to poison us. Sad that I’d even go there, but t
hat would explain a lot about her behavior if she turned out to be a psycho killer.

  Psycho housekeepers and crooked preachers. Could my life get any weirder?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Luckily, the casserole wasn’t poisoned, because we all woke up without issues. Well, at least Cesar and Jake seemed to be okay. I was a nervous wreck. I literally woke up every hour starting at three a.m., counting down the hours until Jake would be taken from me. By five, I’d come up with a plan. I wasn’t sure if the preacher truly was a man of God, but forcing him to swear on a Bible that he wouldn’t harm Jake would offer me small comfort. It was all I had. Plus, I was counting on Jake’s social worker to check on them.

  I was up and already on my second cup of coffee by seven, feeling a little stronger than yesterday, though I suspected my frayed nerves had something to do with my burst of energy. The burning in my throat had subsided, and I was relieved I could drink without gagging.

  Gremlin and Macy hopped up on my lap as soon as I sat on the sofa, demanding love and giving it in return. I figured they sensed my tension. Nacho was still outside, doing his business behind the bushes, but my two little lick monsters, with their perpetually happy tails slapping my knees, were just what I needed to lift my spirits.

  When both dogs looked over my shoulder, growling, I was not surprised to see Irma in the kitchen. Either the dogs had sensed something about her, or she had mistreated them while I was recovering. The thought left a sick feeling in my stomach.

  Irma came into the living room, armed with a bottle of window cleaner. The dog’s slobber door had become her bane of existence. No surprise she ignored me and my growling dogs while she cleaned dog spit off the glass.

  I didn’t know if she’d be cooperative, but I had to put my plan into action before the preacher arrived. I whispered to the dogs to be quiet. “Irma, do you have a Bible I can borrow?” Sara had given me one once upon a time, but I was pretty sure I’d left it back at the ranch.

  Irma turned to me with a wide smile that revealed several missing teeth. I’d had no idea the woman was capable of a smile, much less one so big.

  “Of course.” Still clutching the dog slobber rag, she clasped her hands to her heart, looking at me as if I was about to bend on one knee and propose. She rushed out of the room as if she was being chased by a swarm of bees.