Damned and Desperate (Eternally Yours Book 3) Read online

  Damned and Desperate

  Eternally Yours, Book Three

  Copyright © 2015 by Tara West

  Published by Shifting Sands Publishing

  First edition, published January 2015

  All rights reserved.

  This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material or artwork herein is prohibited.

  This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real.

  Edited by Theo Fenraven

  Proofread by Jenx Byron

  Formatted by Author's HQ

  Cover Art by Tamra Westberry

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Books by Tara West

  About Tara West

  A message from Tara West…

  Dear readers, I hope you enjoy the conclusion to my Eternally Yours series. If so, would you please be kind enough to leave a review where you purchased it and tell all your friends about my books? Indie authors like me depend on readers to spread the word. It’s how we can afford to quit our day jobs and keep writing. ;)

  I have a lot more fun in store for you in 2015, so please subscribe to my newsletter for updates. Of course, if I get enough interest in this series, I just may write more books for Callum and Sarge.

  You can find my mailing list at www.tarawest.com.

  If you are interested in joining my street team, please message me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tarawestauthor.

  Thanks!

  Dedications

  To Jodi, my soul sister. I don’t know what I’d do without your support. You deserve an eternity of cheesecake for all that you do. ;)

  Special thanks to Emma, Kelly, Raven, Sheila, and Sheri for beta reading my manuscript. Your input was very much appreciated.

  To my street team and fans, thanks for your faith in my books and for all of your support. You are the reason I keep writing.

  Theo Fenraven, I don’t know what I’d do without your edits. Don’t know how you manage to make my turd shine, but thanks for helping me look like I know what I’m doing!

  Jenx, thanks so much for finding my last-minute oopsies.

  Finally, to my husband for putting up with my crazy schedule. From now until eternity, you’ve got half my credits and all my love.

  The Oregon Wilderness, 1985

  James Murphy

  “Mr. Murphy! Thank God you’re alive.”

  Damn! The paramedics shouldn’t have come until tomorrow. I’d postmarked the letter for the twenty-third, figuring I’d be dead by then. It was hard to know for sure what day it was. The infestation in my brain had destroyed most of my eyesight. I could hardly find my way to the john, much less keep track of the calendar.

  Feeling three times my age of thirty-seven, I did my best to ignore the throbbing in my skull. I slowly tilted my head up, squinting at the man as I tried to make out his features. It was no use. I saw only a shadow.

  “What are you doing here?” I growled. “I was supposed to die before you found me.” Of all the damn times for them to show, when I was in the blasted outhouse.

  “Hang on.” The shadow bent toward me before latching onto my elbow. “We’ll get you out of here.”

  I shook off his grip. Couldn’t a man spend his final moments in peace? “I don’t want to leave.”

  “We have to get you to a hospital.”

  I laughed under my breath. “No need. I’m as good as dead already.” If a hospital could help me, I would’ve already had this brain tumor removed, but the doctor had said it was inoperable.

  There was a bright light in my eyeballs, and I groaned, trying to swat it away.

  “He’s blind,” the paramedic said, a sharp edge to his voice.

  “Look at his fingers,” a deeper voice sounded behind him. “Hypothermia.”

  “That letter to my wife,” I asked the shadows as they heaved me off the toilet. Bastards. I hadn’t even finished. “Did you send it?”

  “The authorities notified her. She’s on her way.”

  I tried to jerk out of their grip by kicking my legs. “What? No! I can’t let her see me like this. I can’t, I can’t.”

  “He’s seizing.” The shadow’s voice sounded deeper, like it was set on slow mode.

  And that’s when I felt the disconnect. The snap of my soul breaking away from my body resonated in my ears, and then I was weightless. The blinding thick haze that had permeated my brain finally lifted, and for the first time in months, I felt blessedly free. I saw the paramedics hovering over my lifeless body, and smiled.

  “Mr. Murphy, stay with us,” they yelled. “Mr. Murphy!”

  Heaven, 1991

  “You have a lot of nerve!” Michael’s eyes widened, his pale face flushing as he caught sight of his sister standing beside me.

  I cleared my throat as I tried to steady my shaky hands. “She’s my valet.”

  He jerked back, and I couldn’t tell if it was disappointment or relief I read in his dark eyes. His shoulders fell as he nodded.

  Not knowing what else to say, I gaped at my brother-in-law for a few seconds before he slammed the door in my face. I took a steadying breath, summoning the courage to ring Michael’s doorbell again. After six years of working double shifts in Purgatory, I’d finally made it to my destination, and I wasn’t about to turn back now. I tapped my foot impatiently while my valet hummed. She must have known how my wife’s sweet melody always soothed me.

  I strained my ears as I heard the faint sound of classical music filtering from underneath the doorway. Susan’s brother had refined taste, from fine wines to designer clothes. I used to suspect he looked down on my scuffed shoes with displeasure, but he’d never shown it. He’d always been the epitome of politeness until now. Not that I could blame him after what I did to his sister.

  After the doctor had told me my chronic migraines were caused by terminal brain cancer, I’d made up a lie about our marriage being too hard and walked out on her. At the time, I thought it would have been easier for her to believe I no longer loved her rather than have to play my nurse while taking care of our two young daughters.

  How was I supposed to know the shock of my death would almost kill my wife? I never dreamed she would take my passing so badly, starving herself until she became nothing but a lifeless zombie. My carefree, happy Susan was gone, and in her place was the shell of the woman I once knew. Now that her brother Michael had also passed, I feared she would succumb to the weight of her depression. And then what would happen to our girls?

  As I was about to ring the bell a third time, the door swung open, revealing my brother-in-law’s valet, a tall Latin man of about twenty-five. “Master is indisposed,” he said coolly.

  “This will only take a minute.” Without waiting for his reply, I pushed past the valet and hurried down the elegant marble hallway toward the sound of the classical music.

  My brother-in-law sat at the grand piano in a large foyer, a glass of wine and a slice of uneaten cheesecake beside him as he played a hauntingly sad melody. This was suppose
d to have been Heaven, a place of peace and happiness, so why was he so sad? Somehow, I suspected my presence was the reason.

  I clenched my hands at my sides as I walked up behind him while he stroked the keys with the grace of a seasoned musician. I placed a hand on my chest, feeling as if my heart would buckle when he switched tunes to Amazing Grace. That had been Susan’s favorite song. I worked hard to swallow the tide of regret that welled in my throat. “Michael, I’m sorry for everything.”

  He stopped playing and looked up at me with watery eyes. “Do you think it made your leaving any easier for her, knowing you suffered alone? Knowing she could never say goodbye?” His voice cracked as he looked away.

  He was right. I had been a damned fool, and I’d thought of nothing else these past six years except finding a way to make things right. I cleared my throat. “I made a terrible mistake. I realize that now, but with your help, I can make it up to them. I’ve just come from a meeting with The Council about the guardian program.”

  He spun around, his gaze sharpening. “You’d risk your soul to become my sister’s dog?”

  “Yes, but I need a sponsor, a family member, and none of my Murphy relations will sponsor me.” I still couldn’t believe I was trusting my fate with this man, knowing how much he resented me, but what choice did I have? My wife and daughters needed me.

  He slowly stood, his glare unwavering, until we were at eye level. “How can I trust you won’t abandon them again?”

  Apprehension settled in my gut like a lead weight as the words from The Council members echoed in my brain. There is a risk you will become so consumed by your canine form, you will forget who you are. What if they were right? What if I lost all my memories? The day my beautiful bride had said “I do” or the birth of my daughters? But I wasn’t about to confess my fears to Michael. I needed to convince him this would work.

  I turned up my chin, commanding a confidence I didn’t feel. “I will be the most loyal companion they’ve ever had.” I traced an X across my heart, hoping above all else I was right. “I swear it. Please. Now that you’re gone, they have no one.”

  His shoulders fell, and I could tell by the weariness in his gaze, I was wearing him down. “They have my parents.”

  “Who are both going senile, and you know it.”

  Michael released a heavy breath as he ran a hand through his dark hair. “But you’d be risking your soul.”

  Spine rigid, I nodded. “It’s a chance I’m willing to take. After all they’ve been through, they need a guardian.”

  Ash MacLeod

  Heaven, present day

  I woke up to the exquisite feeling of Aedan’s erection pressing against my backside, his strong arms wrapped around my waist.

  “Mmm, morning,” I groaned as he massaged my shoulders. Not that I had any kinks. One of the many perks of Heaven.

  “Morning,” he rumbled in my ear, right before he nipped my lobe and then trailed hot kisses down my neck.

  I gasped when one hand slid up to my breast and squeezed.

  “Want some coffee?”

  “No. I want another taste of you.”

  Before I could stop him, he was rolling me over, pinning me beneath him, and capturing my mouth in one heat-searing kiss. Another awesome benefit of Heaven: no morning breath, no clumpy mascara, and no sticky armpits. Basically, I woke up feeling as fresh as a spring daisy, kind of like I was living in a douche commercial, only no vinegar required.

  But back to that kiss, because it was getting really hot and heavy as he rolled his hips into me, the head of his cock pressing into my girly spot and making me gush like a busted water pipe. Conveniently, both of us were naked after last night’s orgasm fest, and the feel of his silken shaft stroking my swollen clit was beyond heavenly.

  I moaned as I dug my fingers into his ass, pressing him against me and trying to coax him to slip inside. He chuckled into my mouth as his tongue sparred with mine. The bastard was having an awful fun time tormenting me. If I had any willpower at all, I would have gladly tormented him back, but I couldn’t think past getting my next orgasm.

  I froze at the sound of the loud gong coming from outside the bedroom.

  I broke the kiss, panting against his neck. “Shit. Someone’s at the door.”

  “Don’t answer it,” he growled. “Maybe they’ll go away.” And then that glorious head of his slid inside me. Just the tip. Just enough to drive me mad with need.

  The gong sounded again, and I could practically hear my poor girly garden weeping as he slid back out. I reached for him, but he was already slipping into his jeans.

  Holy fuck! I didn’t think torture was allowed in Heaven.

  His bright blue eyes turned a dark shade of cobalt, and he groaned while running a hand through his thick waves of brown hair. “It’s probably your family.”

  I sat up, hugging a sheet to my bare breasts. “What’s the matter? I thought you liked my family.” Damn. That void between my thighs was a hollow, empty drum, needing to be filled so badly. Honestly, at the moment, I was too hot and bothered to care if he liked them.

  I tried to push my desire aside as I slid across the bed and shrugged into a robe.

  “I liked them better when they weren’t interrupting.” He leaned over, cupping my cheek in his hand before placing a tender kiss on my lips. “I’ve missed you.”

  I about melted in a pool of goo when he looked at me with those heartfelt eyes.

  He was so damn sexy, and I still couldn’t believe he was my flesh and blood boyfriend, not a valet or a dream, but my real, hot and virile stud. Whatever my family wanted, I hoped they made it quick.

  “Ashley Marie, you had me worried sick to death.”

  Before I could respond to my grandma, she was choking me in a death grip. “Hi, Grandma,” I wheezed. I guess word had gotten out where I’d been. “Help me,” I mouthed over her shoulder to my uncle, but he wasn’t paying attention to me. He was too busy gaping at my valet curled up on the sofa with my black Lab.

  “She’s just a valet, Uncle,” I said when my grandma finally released me. I’d chosen my mom’s image for my valet because, well, I didn’t know who else to pick. I certainly didn’t need a sexy stud since I already had the real thing taking a shower in my bathroom. Just the thought of him lathering up all those muscles made me kind of wish my family would order their cheesecake to go so I could get back to him.

  My uncle didn’t respond to me. His dark eyes glossed over, and he continued staring slack-jawed at my valet. He walked over to the sofa like a zombie in a trance, sitting beside my valet and watching her play with my dog. Jack had been snuggling with her ever since we’d checked into my penthouse apartment last night. One thing for sure, my valet made a great dog-sitter so Aedan and I could enjoy a little alone time.

  “She’s been keeping Jack busy while we, uh….” I slapped my hand over my mouth. “While we slept,” I hastily added. Heat crept into my cheeks at the devious grin my grandma slanted at me. When was I going to learn to keep my big mouth shut? “We’ve had an exhausting few days,” I added with an exaggerated yawn, but I could tell Grandma wasn’t buying it. Oh, well. Considering her husband wore a leather thong and had an addiction to edible body butter, I shouldn’t have been embarrassed.

  “Did they hurt you down there?” Grandma grimaced as she smoothed down the folds on her pink pleated dress. Since she’d taken on the form of her twenty-something self, she reminded me of a pinup model, from her shiny red lipstick to her ’40s and ’50s style dresses that flared at the hips and showed off her tiny waist and torpedo tits.

  “I’m okay, really.” I casually flipped my luxurious, frizz-free hair over my shoulder, pretending the last few days of mental and physical torture hadn’t been all that bad. “My experience has made me stronger,” I said without batting an eye.

  Truthfully, my imprisonment in Hell had not only made me much more self-assured, but for the first time in my life, I had a sense of self-worth. I was no longer a law school dr
opout with a lousy boyfriend streak. I was a demon-ass-kicking fallen angel, revered by giants and my dog, and loved by my gorgeous, brave boyfriend who’d risked his soul to save me. I had the afterlife by the balls. Now all I had to do was survive Hell one more time without getting banished forever. Easy peasy. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself as I tried to ignore the feeling a noose was tightening around my neck.

  When Grandma flashed a skeptical gaze, I decided my best course of action would be to change the subject. I really didn’t feel like explaining to her we were planning on going back.

  “Would you like a latte?” I asked as I walked around the island bar to my industrial-sized espresso machine. My valet had already brewed three lattes and sprinkled them with cinnamon, cream, and chocolate shavings. She must have known I’d have company. She’d also poured a cup of coffee, light creamer and no sugar, for Aedan. Ewww. What was the point of drinking steamy caffeine without hazelnut or vanilla and loads of foamy cream? There were also several selections of cheesecake spread out across the bar in addition to eggs, pancakes, bacon, and fresh fruit.

  Mmm. I couldn’t wait to dig in. I had the feeling my food selection would be limited to dead rats and petrified spiders once we returned to Hell. I’d have to remind my valet to pack me some protein bars for the journey. I handed my grandma a drink and inhaled the cream off the top, not caring that my slurping sounds were less than ladylike. The warm coffee, cream, and chocolate swirled in my mouth in a symphony of flavor. I was sure going to miss my latte machine in Hell.

  Grandma smiled and patted my cheek. “Well, the important thing is, now that you’ve been allowed back in Heaven, we never have to worry about you again.”