Damned and Desperate (Eternally Yours Book 3) Read online

  When she looked into my eyes with that heartfelt expression, a pang of guilt sliced right through me.

  Yesterday my friends and I helped the Nephilim army defeat Scorpius, the evil gatekeeper of Hell’s first dimension, preventing the apocalypse. I ended Scorpius’s reign after blasting him with my thunderbolt, sending him all the way down to the bottom level of Hell. But our war didn’t come without major sacrifices. Aedan’s brother, Callum, and my friend Sergeant Sanchez, were both knocked down to the fourth dimension of Hell. Also, the Nephilim discovered two of their kin had been cast down to the fourth dimension over a hundred years ago. We couldn’t leave our friends down there for the rest of eternity.

  Since we were returning to Hell after breakfast, I figured I should come clean. “About that….” I set down my latte and averted my gaze. “Our friends are still stuck down there, and we need to go get them out.”

  “What?!” Grandma dropped her cup, causing it to shatter on the tiles in a million pieces. She stomped a foot and then snapped her fingers. Her valet, looking exactly like an old picture of my grandpa in a 1940s Navy uniform, materialized before us and got to work cleaning up the mess.

  Aedan decided to make his appearance at that moment, toweling his hair as he walked into the kitchen, looking sexier than should have been legal in nothing but a faded pair of jeans and a tight T-shirt. He frowned at the valet. “Everything okay in here?”

  Grandma stormed up to him and jabbed his chest with a shaky finger. “You’d let her go back down there? Are you out of your mind?”

  Aedan didn’t seem fazed by Grandma’s hysterics as he leaned against the counter, helping himself to a piece of bacon. “I hope not,” he said as he took a casual drink of coffee. “We’re going to appeal to God first. Maybe he can help us out.”

  My grandma threw up her hands. “You can’t just waltz into His office. You need to make an appointment, and it takes decades to get in.”

  Aedan dug into his pocket. “Actually, a little over a century.” He handed a little slip of paper to her.

  “Unbelievable,” she breathed as she gaped down at the slip.

  I hovered over her shoulder, looking down at the hand written note indicating his early afternoon appointment. I scrunched my brow as I tried to work out the day in my head. I seemed to have lost track of time in Hell.

  Aedan took the paper from my grandma, flicking it with his fingers. “I scheduled this in 1900, and it just so happens my appointment is today.”

  I smiled up at him. “How cool.” Talk about perfect timing.

  Grandma planted both hands on her hips, scowling. “No, not cool, young lady. Not cool at all.” Then she wagged a finger in my face. “You are not going to Hell. I forbid it!”

  Uncle Mikey got up from the couch and crossed over to us. “You can’t let my niece do this,” he said in a commanding voice.

  Aedan didn’t seem to be swayed as he matched my uncle’s glare with one of his own. Oh, so not good. The last thing I wanted was my family and Aedan fighting over me.

  I stepped between them, folding my arms across my chest as I fixed my grandma and uncle with a determined expression. “He doesn’t have a choice. I’m going with or without him. My friends are down there, and I’m not abandoning them.”

  “Dear Heavens.” In a display of exaggerated theatrics, Grandma swooned into her valet’s arms. If the Academy Awards had had a guilt trip category, she would have won it for sure.

  Her valet carried her to the sofa, fanning her face as the color returned to her cheeks. Finally, she sat up, glaring first at Aedan and then at me. “I need cheesecake.”

  Ash MacLeod

  I wasn’t quite sure how we ended up at God’s place. One minute we were in my penthouse, and the next Aedan grabbed my hand and called out “Heavenly Palace.” I didn’t see him click red heels together and chant “there’s no place like home,” but sure enough, we materialized in a waiting room with tiles so slick and shiny, I nearly fell on my ass as we skidded toward a woman sitting behind a huge marble desk. I hoped God paid his heavenly custodian well, because the place was immaculate, everything so white it was nearly blinding.

  “We’re here to see His Holiness.”

  His Holiness? That’s what we are supposed to call Him?

  I looked at Aedan as he spoke to God’s receptionist, a pretty toga-clad woman with big brown eyes and flawless, tanned skin. She would have looked like she’d just stepped out of an ancient Egyptian palace if it hadn’t been for the Bluetooth receiver in her ear.

  “Your names?” she asked, batting her eyes at us.

  Aedan cleared his throat, and for the first time I noticed how his hands shook. “Aedan O’Connor and Ashley MacLeod.”

  She flipped open a massive, weathered book with pages that reminded me of ancient parchment and pointed to scribble that looked like hieroglyphics. “I only see your name on here, Mr. O’Connor.”

  Aedan cast me a surreptitious look. “She’s with me.”

  The woman spared me a momentary, disinterested glance. “I’m sorry, but if she wishes to see His Holiness, she’ll need to make an appointment.”

  My heart sank. I had so wanted to go inside with Aedan. Not that I didn’t trust him to properly plead for our friends, but well…okay, maybe some small part of me didn’t trust him. Aedan and his brother hadn’t exactly been on good terms before Callum was knocked down to the fourth dimension, and I knew Aedan saw Sarge as his rival. I wasn’t certain he wanted to get them back as badly as I did.

  The woman tapped her Bluetooth. “Yes, Sir.” She motioned to me as she stood. “She can come in. Right this way.”

  Whoa. Had that been God on the receiver, and did he want to see me? I felt more special than the time Mrs. Pinkleschmidt picked me for the part of the lead singing flower in our elementary school play.

  The receptionist pulled two water bottles out of a shiny silver cooler, handing them to us as she flashed a broad smile. “Miracle water, compliments of His Holiness.”

  I looked at the label, impressed. “Heavian. This stuff must be French.” I popped the top and took a sip. “Mmmm.” It was cool and refreshing, and yet oddly familiar. I took another sip to be sure. Something about the subtle sweet tang reminded me of Hell’s hormone water, but we were in Heaven now, so I knew if the water had any hormonal effects, they had to be good.

  I looked at Aedan, who was capping his half-empty bottle. He didn’t seem to be alarmed, so neither was I.

  The receptionist motioned us to a grand hallway with cathedral ceilings and marble pillars. “Go on,” she said in a haughty tone.

  Aedan laced his fingers through mine; that “oh shit” look in his eyes wasn’t very reassuring. My legs weakened and my knees wobbled as we walked down that long hall together. By the time we reached the arched doorway, I was squeezing his hand so tight, I was pretty sure I’d left red marks. He didn’t complain, though. He must have been too frightened to notice.

  It wasn’t every day we got face time with the Almighty Creator, and since God had probably seen and heard everything I’d done back on Earth, I sure hoped he’d go easy on me. I tried running a mental list so I could prepare to answer for all my sins, but my brain was spitting out offenses faster than I could think up excuses. Shit. It was no use. If God wanted to berate me for my vibrator collection, or that time I’d faked an asthma attack to get out of a speeding ticket, or maybe when I told all of my law school classmates Travis had the anatomy of a Ken Doll, so be it. God would have to understand that I was flawed, really flawed, but I stopped an apocalypse, and that had to count for something.

  We walked through a doorway into a beautiful outdoor garden, much like the one inside the Nephilim’s pyramid, only this one seemed to go on forever, and rather than a glass dome above us, there was a radiant blue sky dotted with puffy clouds. Exotic birds flew above our heads, landing on flowery tree branches. We were in a valley of sorts, flanked on either side by waterfalls, rainbows sprouting out of the mist as the water
cascaded into shimmery pools. We followed a path toward verdant green grass, and it took me a moment to register we were standing on a putting green. A man wearing khaki shorts and a Polo shirt stood with his back to us, swinging at a golf ball and letting out a low whistle as the ball flew off into the distance.

  He turned to us with a smile. “Another hole in one.”

  I gasped when I looked into a familiar pair of Asian eyes. “Jackie Chan?” Whoa! What was my favorite ball-busting hero doing in Heaven?

  “Mr. Murphy?” Aedan said with a note of awe in his voice.

  I turned a sharp gaze on my boyfriend as I shook out of his grip. “Mr. Murphy?”

  He looked down at me and nodded. “Mar’s father.”

  Jackie Chan’s smile practically stretched ear-to-ear as he strolled over to us and held out a hand to Aedan. “I appear differently to everyone. I take on the form of whomever you look up to most.” He vigorously shook my boyfriend’s hand before turning to me.

  As I absently latched onto God’s outstretched hand, which was not at all limp and clammy but firm with just the right amount of moisturizer, I realized I should have been thinking, “Holy shit! You’re shaking God’s hand!”

  As far as celebrity deities went, he was by far the most famous. In fact, I’d never met anyone famous before, except that one time I’d seen Leonardo DeCaprio in an airport bar. I vaguely remembered sloshing my drink on my shoes and screaming, “I loved Titanic!” before he was racing for the nearest exit. So to go from stalking the guy who saved Kate Winslet from a sinking ship to shaking hands with the God who’d once drowned the entire planet with an epic flood, my mind was pretty much blown. I wasn’t quite sure if it was in a good way, especially not when I was simultaneously annoyed Aedan looked up to Mar’s father. Why had he never told me this?

  “Come sit and have a drink with me.” God released my hand and motioned toward a white wicker table and chairs at the edge of the green. Without awaiting our response, he turned and walked away.

  Aedan tugged my hand, but I tugged harder, pulling him down to me. “Your ex-fiancée’s dad?” I hissed.

  “Some karate guy?” he shot back before dragging me toward the table.

  “Not just some karate guy.” I jerked out of his clutches. “His ball busting-skills are legend, and he does it while telling family-friendly jokes.”

  “Don’t say ball-busting in front of God,” Aedan growled.

  I shook my water bottle at him, squeezing it so tight, the top popped off and sprayed water on his shirt. “I’d like to bust your balls right about now.” My ire was rising. Mar’s dad? Really? And why did I get the feeling the Virgin Mary would look like Mrs. Perfect Mar to Aedan?

  Luckily, God was already sitting down at least thirty yards away, his gaze fixed on the screen of his iPhone, so he probably hadn’t heard us arguing. That would have been majorly embarrassing.

  Wait a minute! God uses an iPhone? I sure as heck hope he doesn’t have the same carrier I had back on Earth.

  I plastered on a smile when we reached the table. Though Aedan and I walked side by side, elbows touching, it felt like we were standing a million miles apart. What had come over me that I had this sudden urge to reach up and smack him across the face?

  “Children,” God laughed as he wagged a finger. “You forget I can see and hear everything.”

  “I told you,” Aedan said in a tone that made him sound like my nagging big sister.

  I did my best to ignore my embarrassment as I tilted my chin, willing Aedan to read the meaning behind my death glare. I flashed God an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry for the ball busting. I meant to say ass-kicking… errr, butt-busting.” I rolled my eyes while mentally smacking myself upside the head.

  “Quit babbling,” Aedan grumbled as he fell into a nearby chair and slammed his water bottle on the table.

  I stiffened, wanting so badly to thrust my middle finger in his face, but instead I forced myself to sit, dropping the empty bottle at my feet.

  “Your trespass is forgiven,” God said with a wink.

  “Okay, thanks!” I exhaled a sigh of relief. Aedan had made me feel like a fool for nothing. “That’s awfully nice of you, Mr. God, Sir. I also wanted to thank you for letting me back into Heaven.”

  “My pleasure.” He filled two clear goblets with ice water before pouring one more for himself. “Thirsty?”

  I slouched in my seat, blanching as I looked at the glass. For some reason, I didn’t think drinking anymore water would be a good idea. Besides, my nerves were so rattled, what I really needed was a tall glass of alcohol to calm me down. “Got anything stronger?”

  Aedan kicked me under the table.

  “Ouch!” I shot him a look as I scooted away from him.

  God, seemingly impervious to our fighting, smiled and sloshed the water in the cup. A second later, the liquid had turned red. “Wine?” he asked.

  “Thanks.” I tried to showcase my best manners as I took a dainty sip, less worried about God judging me than getting more bruises from Aedan. Mmm. It tasted like Nephilim wine, sweet and smooth. I tilted back my head and took several gulps. Manners be damned… oops, darned. This wine was too good not to finish. Besides, I thought the Bible said something about wasting things being a sin, and I didn’t want to offend my heavenly host.

  Aedan cleared his throat loudly beside me, but I ignored him as I finished off the drink and then burped into my fist. “Thanks, God.” I set down the glass and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “Those were some mighty fine grapes.”

  Aedan made grumbly noises beside me, sounding like he’d either turned part bear or he had bad indigestion.

  God didn’t seem to be offended by my behavior, as he continued to smile serenely, so I didn’t understand what swarm of locusts had decided to fly up Aedan’s ass.

  Aedan shot me a glare before leaning forward in his chair. “Sir, we’ve come to talk to you about….”

  God waved at him with a dismissive flick of the wrist. “Your brother and friends in Hell.”

  “Um, yeah,” I blurted. Wow. He really was omniscient. Then I straightened when I realized he was probably listening to my thoughts at that very moment.

  Oh, shit. Think pure thoughts, Ash. Think pure thoughts! Get those images from last night of you riding Aedan like a bucking bronco out of your head!

  God arched a brow, eyeing me with a comical look in his eyes.

  Busted!

  I was so mortified, I wanted to sink beneath the table and fall all the way down to level one.

  Oh, well. Kinda served him right for invading my brain. Most men knew better than to ask a woman what she was thinking.

  “You want permission to bring them to Heaven.” God fixed Aedan with a knowing stare.

  “That would be great!” I squealed, perhaps a little too loudly. Not my fault. The heady wine had taken effect, like sudsy bubbles floating around in my brain, popping as they struck each other.

  God folded his hands behind his head, striking a casual pose as he leaned back. “I think the giants have learned their lesson. Besides, there are certain angels in The Council who’ve been badgering me to let them in. I hereby grant you permission to bring them to Heaven.” Then he turned a scowl on Aedan. “For all except that demon brother of yours.”

  “Why?” I blurted and then winced at my forceful tone.

  “He’s a demon, that’s why,” God answered in a haughty tone. “He’s been terrorizing Earth for over a century.”

  I wrung my hands together, searching his eyes as I leaned forward. “But he helped me escape Hell, and he fought with us against the demon army.”

  “Yes, yes,” he said with a heavy sigh, “which is why I’m allowing him into Purgatory, but if I let his kind into Heaven, I’d have another revolt, and the last one didn’t go over so well.”

  I practically jumped out of my seat with excitement. I was certain Aedan and I could give Callum enough credits to get him to level thirteen, and we could visit him o
n weekends. Anything had to be better than where he was.

  “So he really gets to come to Purgatory?” I clasped my hands together.

  “Yes,” he said in a disinterested tone. “Now hurry and get him before I change my mind.”

  Aedan cleared his throat again. I was beginning to think he’d swallowed a bug, even though I hadn’t seen so much as a gnat this side of the Pearly Gates. “About that,” he said. “We were hoping you’d help us with the rescue.”

  God laughed so hard, he actually snorted. “I’m glad to see your little foray into Lucifer’s Lair hasn’t dampened your sense of humor.”

  “Oh?” My hands went clammy. “I think he was being serious.” My voice sounded small, even to my own ears.

  “Now what kind of lesson would that teach you if I did all the work for you?” Condescension dripped off his tongue, and he looked down at me as if I was Jack and I’d just been caught chewing his favorite silk undies. “How are you and Aedan going to learn to trust each other unless you endure a few more trials and tribulations together?”

  “We trust each other.” I elbowed Aedan in the ribs, perhaps a little too hard. “Don’t we? Aedan?”

  God chuckled, nodding at Aedan. “He’s jealous over Jackie Chan.”

  I turned to Aedan, forcing a smile as I tried my best to sound reassuring. “You don’t have any reason to be jealous.”

  His brows drew together as he pouted, reminding me of Garf the Nephilim, whom I was pretty sure had the mentality of a child. “I bust balls, too, you know. Almost every day I risk my soul to battle demons. It’s not easy being a Grim.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t say it was.”

  Ignoring me, he turned to God and held up a fist. “All of Jackie Chan’s moves are choreographed. My upper cut could lay him flat in a flash.”

  “Aedan,” I groaned, “you are never going to get into a fight with Jackie Chan, so why are we talking about this? Anyway, my admiration of the greatest ass-kicking movie star who’s ever lived is no different than your obsession with Mar’s dad.”

  “It’s not an obsession,” he said coolly, “and Mr. Murphy happens to be your granddad.”