Say You Love Me Read online

  No, but I did enjoy handcuffs and anal sex, and the more I thought of it, the more I wanted to try out a wedge pillow.

  Sara groaned, smoothing a hand down her face. “What happened to my good girl?”

  Ariana knelt beside the bed, clasping her mom’s hands. “I grew up, mamá. I’m sorry.”

  Angus tightened his grip on Sara’s shoulder. “So they didn’t coerce you? Not even a little?”

  “Sorry, Dad.” Ariana dropped her gaze to the floor. “Not even a little.”

  Angus cupped her chin in his hand. “I love you like a daughter, Ariana. I-I just wish you’d be careful.”

  I almost answered for her. “She is careful. That’s what the handcuffs are for,” but I knew it would be in poor taste.

  When Angus and Sara held their arms open, Ariana fell against into them, sobbing. Sara beckoned me to join in the hug, but I spun on my heel and quickly left the room. I wasn’t in the mood for a hug, not when I was still hurting and angry.

  Where I was going, I had no idea, but I found myself at the end of the hallway, standing before the door to my old bedroom. My limbs felt like deadweights as I nudged open the door and walked inside.

  I spun a slow circle in my bedroom, surprised and yet strangely relieved that nothing had changed. I wondered why Sara hadn’t thought to remodel it, or maybe she hadn’t gotten time yet. I slowly walked the perimeter, relieved to see the picture of my mom and me when I was just a baby still hanging on the wall. I had rushed out of the house that night, taking only the necessities, and had forgotten to take it with me.

  My schoolhouse desk was still beneath the back window. It had been handed down from my father’s mother and was probably close to a hundred years old. The rusty hinges creaked when I lifted the wooden top. Inside were my high school yearbooks, a baggie containing the pressed petals from a bouquet of roses I’d taken off my mother’s casket, and a few more pictures of Mom. All treasures I intended on bringing home.

  A sheet of paper stuck out of my senior yearbook. I pulled it out and sat at my desk, reading my Valedictorian speech.

  Most of you know me as Savannah Boudreau, the daughter of a billionaire oil tycoon, who for some reason drives, and sometimes pushes, a rusty piece of crap to school.

  I laughed at that. I remembered the bright lights shining in my face, making it difficult to see the crowd at that packed football stadium as they erupted into laughter, too.

  Some of you might be wondering why I wear faded jeans and thrift-store boots, or why I had to raise money in order to afford this cap and gown. Or maybe some of you do know. It’s the same reason I don’t expect my father to be in the audience tonight.

  I hadn’t expected him to be there that night. Sara and Angus had convinced him to attend.

  My father has hated me since the day my mom and her lover were killed in a car accident. He blamed her adultery on me, an innocent little four-year-old girl who liked to dress up her dogs and make them sit through tea parties. When my father told me she was gone and never coming back, I cried. Then he beat me for crying.

  A few teachers had gasped, and then an eerie silence ensued. It had been awkward and painful, telling a crowded stadium about my tragic childhood, yet it had also been cathartic.

  He has abused me many times since then, but I’ve always managed to get back up, dust off these old jeans, and keep going. Tonight is bittersweet for me, because not only have I proven to myself that my dad was wrong—I’m not a worthless whore—but my graduation means I’m officially free.

  Freedom means different things. It can mean we stay out past curfew or vote in an election. For me it means I have the freedom to aspire to become whoever I want to be: a doctor, an astronaut, even the President of the United States.

  And despite the fact that my father has been telling me I’d never amount to anything, I know I don’t have to live under his limitations. If I can overcome neglect and abuse, if I can wake up at four a.m. every morning and shovel shit out of stalls for minimum wage while keeping up a perfect GPA, then I can achieve anything. Because I don’t need my father, or anyone, to validate my worth. I have the courage to face any challenge.

  That’s when I’d seen my father in the stands, sitting next to Sara and Angus, who both looked as if they’d seen a poltergeist. They were frightened for me, but at the moment, I didn’t care. My dad and I had made eye contact for a heartbeat, but in that eternal moment, I read the simmering rage in his hooded eyes. I’d known then I was leaving my father’s house that night.

  I tell you my story not to make you feel sorry for me. I have a full-ride scholarship to a prestigious college and bright future. I also have the love of some great friends, whom I consider to be my true family.

  I’d paused, issuing my father a challenging glare. He’d gotten up and stomped to the exit.

  I tell you my story because you need to know that with hard work and faith, you, too, can defy the critics. You don’t have to live within the boundaries others set for you. You can go out and achieve great things.

  So whether it be a parent, an employer, or maybe your inner voice, telling you, “No, you can’t do that,” I challenge you to say, “Yes, I can.” It might take a lot of hard work and tears, clunky cars and worn jeans, but you will get there, because the only person who can set limits on you is you.

  To say my dad had been angry with my speech was a major understatement. Luckily, Angus was able to pull my dad off me long enough for me to gather a few of my things and run away. I swore I’d never come back, but here I was, sitting in my old bedroom as if the past five years had never happened.

  I was about to fold that speech back up and stick it in my yearbook when a scribbled note at the bottom caught my attention. I squinted, trying to decipher the sloppy writing.

  You were right, Savannah. I am a monster.

  I jumped up and threw the paper to the floor, stomping on it as if it were a spider.

  What the fuck, Dad! What the actual fuck!

  I trampled the paper, swearing and screaming as tears streamed down my face. I was barely aware of Angus and Sara running into the room and Sara holding me against her while I sobbed uncontrollably.

  Ariana picked up the crumpled paper.

  “What is it?” Angus asked.

  She handed it to him. “Her Valedictorian speech.”

  “Savannah, niña.” Sara rocked me in her arms. “Why are you crying?”

  “R-read the bottom,” I wailed.

  Angus scanned the page. “Christ. This is Bud Boudreau’s handwriting.”

  Ariana snatched the paper from Angus, swearing under her breath. “If he knew he was a monster, then why did he act like one?”

  “I don’t know,” Angus said. “Maybe that’s why he gave Savannah the inheritance.”

  Ha! As if his money would ever erase the memories of my painful childhood.

  I reluctantly pulled out of Sara’s embrace. It felt good to feel loved and cared for, but it was late, and I needed to get their help with Jake.

  “He gave half of his money to charity, right?” Ariana asked her parents. “Which one?”

  Odd that she’d ask that now, but I realized where she was going with this. I often wondered why my hard-hearted father would have given a dime to charity. Had he been trying to atone for his sins?

  “Battered women’s shelters,” Angus answered with a grimace.

  How ironic.

  “He still went to hell,” Ariana spat.

  “Ariana!” Sara gasped.

  Honestly, she had a point. Maybe he’d sensed his demise was near, and he thought he could buy his way into heaven. I honestly didn’t think the afterlife worked that way, but it was a nice gesture. Maybe other women wouldn’t have to suffer from abuse, as my mother and I had.

  Ariana impatiently jingled her keys. “I need to take Savannah home.” There was something in the way her hands shook and her eyes darted around the room that made me think she’d drank a pitcher of caffeine, but she’d only had
one iced tea on the way here. What was wrong with her?

  Angus blocked the doorway. “She’s in no condition to leave.”

  “She’s in no condition to stay.” Ariana’s voice turned shrill, urgent. “This place has too many bad memories.”

  I got the feeling the troubling memories were getting to Ariana, too. She had always managed to keep out of my dad’s crosshairs, but I knew it hadn’t been easy for her to witness his cruelty toward me.

  “There are good memories here, too.” Sara’s voice shook as she slowly stood. “Remember how you girls used to help me make tamales?” She clasped her hands together, her smile looking so forced, it was painful to watch.

  “Mamá,” Ariana groaned, “we need to go.” Her hands shook even harder, and as I looked into her eyes, I was reminded of a caged animal.

  What was going on?

  “Please stay the night,” Sara begged. “I don’t want you girls on the road this late.”

  “I have to work in the morning.” Ariana pushed Angus’s beefy chest, but he didn’t budge.

  “No, wait.” I wiped moisture off my face. “I came here for Jake.” I couldn’t leave yet. Jake’s future was at stake.

  “Jake, your nephew?” Angus asked.

  I swallowed the lump of depression and fear that threatened to seal my throat shut. “CPS took him from me. Irma told them I had a wild sex party.”

  Sara jumped off the bed. “Irma told them what?”

  “She was horrible, Sara,” I cried, my voice shaking with anger. “I fired her, and she went to Jake’s grandpa, some phony minister who served time in prison for theft, bribery, drugs, gaming—”

  “He’s got Irma brainwashed,” Ariana added, “and he’s trying to blackmail Savannah into giving him money.”

  I looked from Sara to Angus with pleading eyes. “They told CPS the day we found Cesar’s brothers in the guesthouse, I was having an orgy and letting Jake watch.”

  Sara’s hand flew to her chest. “Oh, heavens.”

  Fresh tears spilled as I thought about my poor nephew spending tonight in some strange place. “Please, I’m asking for your help. You know it’s a lie.”

  “I know, Savannah.” Sara sat down and patted my knee. “At least you’re a good girl.”

  Ariana swore, turning her back on us.

  “Will you testify?” I clasped my hands together in a prayer pose.

  Angus and Sara shared a knowing look before Angus answered, “Of course.”

  “Can we go now?” Ariana leaned against the wall, banging her head as if she were trying to crack it open. Sheesh. She seemed more upset than me.

  “Okay, but come to the kitchen and let me make some coffee first.” Sara stood and held her hands down to me. “I want you girls wide awake on your trip back.”

  * * *

  I sat in the kitchen, nibbling on an empanada and warily eyeing Ariana, who stared blankly into her empty coffee cup. Ever since she’d seen my dad’s note, she’d been unusually upset. There was something she wasn’t telling me.

  I clasped her hand. “Ariana, I’m sorry if I upset you.”

  She plastered on a smile. “It’s not your fault.”

  Then what was going on with her?

  When the dogs started barking, Angus pushed aside the curtain over the kitchen window. “Who the hell could that be at this hour?”

  Sara joined him at the sink. “I don’t recognize that van. Go see, dear.”

  Angus left, grumbling, but not before grabbing the shotgun from the pantry. That was where my dad had kept his gun, too. I recognized the familiar faded wooden handle. Huh. Same shotgun. Guess some things would never change.

  Sara busied herself with refilling more coffees and repeatedly checking the window while we waited for Angus to return.

  The doorbell rang, and we all turned at the sound of boots thudding down the hallway.

  In walked Angus, carrying the shotgun over his shoulder, and much to my surprise, my boyfriend was right behind him.

  I jumped from my chair and rushed to Cesar’s side, so grateful Angus hadn’t used Cesar for target practice. “What are you doing here?”

  He examined me from head to toe. “Bella, I was worried about you.” He turned to Sara. “I’m sorry to intrude.”

  Sara offered him her warmest smile. “You’re not intruding.”

  And just last week they’d said he wasn’t allowed at the ranch. Could Sara have had a change of heart?

  Cesar’s brows dipped low over his eyes as he held me at arm’s length. “I’ve been trying to call you.” He wiped a stray tear off my eyelashes. “What’s wrong?” When he imploringly searched my gaze, I just wanted to fall into the dark pools of his eyes and never come up for air. I loved this man so much, and I was lucky to have him.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Just dredging up old memories.” I leaned against him, the stress from today’s events having left me emotionally and physically drained. “I want to go home.”

  He smoothed a hand down my back, murmuring in my ear. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”

  When Angus cleared his throat, I held my breath, expecting him to start an argument with Cesar.

  “Ariana,” Angus said, “you should let Cesar drive you home.”

  I couldn’t believe Angus was suggesting she get in a car with my bad-apple boyfriend.

  Ariana slowly stood, her back going ramrod straight. “I need my car.”

  Angus held out a hand, an expectant look in his eyes. “Your mother and I will bring it up in the morning.”

  Ariana jingled the keys in her pocket. “I can drive myself.”

  She was as stubborn as she was horny.

  “Ariana, you look tired.” Cesar wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Let me drive you. I brought a company van. You can sleep in the back.”

  “How am I supposed to get to work?” She looked pointedly at Angus. “Are you going to get to Houston before seven in the morning?”

  “I left Cesar’s truck at your place,” I said. “You can borrow the truck or the van.”

  She let out a groan before tossing her keys on the table. “Fine.”

  Angus clapped Cesar on the shoulder, dropping his voice to a gruff, manly baritone. “Thanks, Cesar.”

  Cesar gave him a curt nod. “No problem, sir.”

  I looked up at Cesar and smiled. Yep. I think Angus and Sara finally liked him. About damn time.

  “Savannah, wait.” Sara grabbed my elbow as I headed for the hall. She looked nervously from me to Cesar. “We owe you and Cesar an apology. We judged you both too harshly. As you have seen, we’re in no position to point fingers.” Her face flushed a deep scarlet. “I’m sorry, Savannah, but believe me when we say we never meant to hurt you. We were being overprotective. Please know that we only did it out of love.” When she clasped her hands to her chest, her eyes running over, I got the feeling those were real tears.

  Angus cleared his throat. “You are like a daughter to us.”

  When I looked up at him, his red-rimmed eyes took me by surprise.

  I rushed into their open arms. “Thank you,” I croaked. “That means a lot.”

  “And we will do whatever it takes to help you get Jake back.” Sara cupped my chin in her hand, smiling at me through a sheen of tears. “You are a fine aunt to him, and I’m very proud of the young woman you’ve become.”

  Sara had no idea how much I needed to hear those words, and how much their approval and love meant to me.

  Ariana elbowed my back as she stormed past, calling over her shoulder. “Hurry the hell up!”

  I inwardly cringed, knowing she felt terrible, being singled out as the bad seed. Not that she didn’t deserve it after letting her parents think Cesar’s brothers coerced her into sex. I was just glad she’d finally come clean. Still, as Cesar and I followed her out the door, I couldn’t help but wonder if something else was bothering her.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  My lawyer had gotten us a hearing the very
next day. He’d definitely earned a few brownie points after his screw-up at that last courtroom fiasco. Even though he’d come armed with valuable incriminating evidence and one shocking key witness, I still couldn’t chase those buzzing hornets out of my stomach. I’d been so sick with worry that morning, I’d thrown up twice, retching until there was nothing left but bile.

  I couldn’t stomach the consequences if this trial didn’t go in my favor. Jake’s future and well-being depended on the judge’s decision. Cesar had come home from work early to wait with me, holding back my hair while I threw up and soothing me while we counted down the hours. Though I held my head high as we walked into the courtroom, and I did my best to look composed, I felt like a cheaply made stuffed toy, and once you pulled on my single stitched threading, I’d completely unravel.

  As we sat in the back, awaiting our turn, I spied Candace, Jake’s social worker, sitting up front by the judge’s seat. I had to look away before I gave into the temptation to flash her my middle finger. That woman had been to my home since Jake had come to live with me. She’d seen how happy Jake was, yet she was willing to believe the word of two strangers and rip him from his home.

  Irma and the preacher were sitting up front, looking as smug and righteous as ever. So they were a couple now? Good. They deserved each other, and hopefully, they’d get to serve time in jail together, too. My lawyer had already asked a few of his FBI friends to look into the preacher’s activities, and it wasn’t looking good for him.

  Cesar held me close. Sara, Angus, and Ariana sat beside us while my lawyer and his team occupied the benches across from us. So far, Irma hadn’t seen the witness, who kept a hood pulled low over his eyes. I hoped he shocked the hell out of her.

  When the judge called Mr. Denton up front, I followed my lawyer’s lead, turning up my nose at Irma and the preacher as they stood.

  We had the same judge from last time. I tried not to feel small as he stared at me with that same condescending frown.

  “Your Honor,” Denton said, “we are here to contest the removal of Jake Miller from his Aunt Savannah Boudreau’s care.”

  “And why was the boy removed?” the judge asked Candace.