Damned and Desirable (Eternally Yours Book 2) Read online

  Scratching the back of his head, he averted his gaze. “I haven’t the foggiest idea.”

  Liar, a little voice screamed inside my head. Little did Aedan know I’d had enough dealings with his gender to know when a man wasn’t telling the truth, which, unfortunately, had been most of the time in my previous relationships.

  I narrowed my eyes to slits, envisioning my gaze was a heat lamp, melting the lying flesh right off his dishonest bones. And the more I glared at him, the more his cheeks reddened. Luckily for him, there was a knock on the front door. He flew out of bed as if the sheets were made of hot coals, and though I wanted to follow him and continue my interrogation, I had to slink into the bathroom and freshen up.

  The woman standing inside Aedan’s bare living room made me stop in my tracks. She was wearing a long white dress that had to have been from last century, her shiny auburn hair piled neatly in little ringlets on her head. She clutched a wide-brimmed hat in one hand while daintily sipping a water bottle with the other. She and Aedan were murmuring to each other. He clearly looked uncomfortable as he fidgeted with a half-empty water bottle, his face the brightest shade of crimson I’d ever seen.

  Her cheeks were flushed, too, and as she tore her gaze from him and flashed me a subtle smile, she colored even more. I had no idea who the heck this woman was, but as I stared into a familiar pair of bright green eyes, I got the sickening sense I was looking in the mirror.

  I blew a strand of wayward hair out of my face and backed up a step. This woman looked too much like me, minus the frizzy mop. In fact, I could almost imagine myself her identical twin on a very good hair day, maybe after I’d ascended to Heaven.

  I got this strange tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach as she approached me with an outstretched hand. “Ashley MacLeod, so good to finally meet you.”

  I took her hand, still so stunned, I was only able to mumble “Hello.”

  “Marie,” she said with a dazzling smile. “Marie Murphy, but you can call me Mar.”

  “Uhhh.” I pretended not to notice that Murphy was also the last name of my infamous deadbeat dad, the name, which I happily discarded in favor of my mother’s maiden name once I got to college.

  I pulled out of her grip, which was surprisingly strong despite her delicate, satin-smooth hands. I shot a questioning glance at Aedan, who was now as white as a sheet. He had this culpable look in his wide eyes, reminding me of a kid who’d gotten his hand caught in the cookie jar.

  Marie flashed my boyfriend an accusatory glare before plastering on another smile. “Hasn’t Aedan spoken of me?”

  Now was my turn to flush as I recalled Aedan mumbling “Mar” in bed. “I don’t recall.” I shrugged, averting my gaze. “Maybe.” Like the time he called me by your name right after sex, I thought wryly.

  “Believe it or not, I’m your great-aunt, several times removed.”

  “Uh-huh.” I trailed off as a jumble of thoughts swirled in my brain. What the hell was my great-aunt doing in Aedan’s apartment, and why did it seem like she knew him? Other than the fact that he’d just called out her name after sex.

  “You are descended from my brother’s children. I understand your father died when you were an infant, so you never learned of the Murphys.”

  My head snapped back as if I’d woken from a trance. Guess it was the mention of the asshole who’d broken my mom’s heart by leaving the family because we were too much work. “He didn’t die. He abandoned us.”

  “Oh, dear.” She placed a hand on her cheek, her lips turning down in what appeared to be a staged pout. “I’m so sorry to hear that.” Then she shot me a sideways smirk. “It’s uncanny our similarities, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah, uncanny.” My chest tightened as I thought back to the night Aedan and I had met. How he’d flirted with and kissed me, even though he was on duty. Now I understood the instant attraction. I looked like Mar. I plastered on a smile, pretending to be pleasant while fighting the urge to plant my fist in Aedan’s face. “We could pass for sisters,” I said with perhaps too much cheeriness in my tone.

  Her hand flew to her chest as she emitted a strange, guttural sound. It took her a long moment to compose herself. She cleared her throat. “Indeed. Sadly, though, my sister is burning in the fiery pit of Hell.”

  I cringed. I needed a valet in Purgatory just so he could help me keep my mouth shut. “I’m sorry.”

  Mar pulled a pair of satin gloves out of her pocket and slipped them on, her mouth drawn into a deep scowl. “So is she, I’m sure.” There was a flash of anger in her eyes as she tossed a glance at Aedan.

  Last week, Aedan had told me he’d failed to save a woman from hell. Somehow I got the feeling he’d been talking about Mar’s sister.

  “Mar, Ash and I need to get back to Alpha House.” Aeden moved to Mar’s side and placed a hand on her shoulder in a too-familiar gesture.

  Yeah, why would he want to get touchy-feely with his frizzy-haired freaky girlfriend when he could be with Miss Prim, Proper, and Perfect Mar-y Poppins? I had the sudden urge to rip his hand away, and maybe pull his arm out of socket in the process.

  “So sorry I’ve intruded on your time.” She pulled away from him, her shoulders almost as rigid as her ever-deepening frown. “When I heard my niece had arrived in Purgatory and, coincidentally, was acquainted with my former fiancé, I just had to see her for myself.”

  Former fiancé? O-my-freaking-gosh! Yeah, I had been working really hard on NOT calling His name out in vain. It was part of my new good girl persona. Although, at the moment, there were a few other choice words I was sorely tempted to scream while I was bashing Aedan’s face in.

  “Good day.” She held out a gloved hand and dipped down into a gentle curtsy. “It has been a pleasure.”

  I took her hand, again surprised by the strength. This time she gripped me even tighter, squeezing so tight I wondered if she meant to hurt me.

  “Thanks. Nice to meet you, too.” I smiled and pretended she wasn’t crushing my fingers while fighting the urge to fall down and cry “uncle.”

  Aedan mumbled something about sending her off as he slipped out the front door behind her. Raised voices echoed in the hallway. Though I couldn’t hear what they said, I imagined Aedan making apologies to his former fiancée for dating her great-niece. I also imagined him telling her she meant more to him than I ever could, I was just a casual fuck, and he’d never love a girl with frizzy hair. Oh, and I crapped my pants last week, too. Okay, maybe he wasn’t saying all those things, but of one thing I was certain. All this time I’d thought Aedan liked me for my clever mind, cute ass, and loyal disposition, but it turned out he was just pining over a ghost.

  To say the ride back to Alpha House was awkward would have been the understatement of the century. Aedan offered no apologies or excuses, and I didn’t ask for them. Not that I didn’t want him to lie to me and tell me he’d fallen out of love with Mar decades ago, because it was clear he hadn’t. He’d already confirmed he still had feelings for her when he called me by her name in bed. Now what to do with this whole uncomfortable situation. He’d just moved out of the apartment he’d been living in for over a century to be with me. Could I end it with him now because I was jealous of a ghost? A ghost, I reminded myself, who was Aedan’s former fiancée. It still made my blood boil when I remembered how he told me he hadn’t the foggiest idea who Mar was. So not only was he disloyal, he was dishonest, too. Damn. And here I thought I’d found one of the few decent guys in Purgatory. Guess the only decent guy left was my dog.

  I didn’t wait for Aedan when the taxi dropped us off. I slammed the door behind me and raced toward the backyard. My boss, Shadow, said my black Lab had to stay in a kennel when I was away. Poor Jack hated his cage almost as much as I did, whining when I left him in there and looking at me with those big puppy dog eyes that were like two neon strobe lights flashing BAD MOMMY, BAD MOMMY. When I’d been a ghoster for Delta House, Jack was free to come and go as he pleased and sit on the furniture.
I was afraid to leave a butt dent on the pristine Alpha House furniture, let alone allow Jack anywhere near it.

  Once I ducked underneath the branch of a tall pine and raced down the hill toward Jack’s kennel, he started barking. I couldn’t help but feel resentment toward Shadow for sticking him under this tree away from the house, as if his cage was too unsightly to sit beneath the expansive porch that shaded the entire backside of the old Victorian mansion. Jack was doing his happy, spinny dance by the time I reached him, and as soon as I let him out, he mowed me down with sloppy kisses while his tail slapped the metal bars of his prison.

  I had no idea why he stayed loyal to me, why he loved me and continued to be my dog even though he could have reincarnated as a human years ago. He didn’t deserve to suffer this kind of neglect, and damn me for not standing up to Shadow and insisting he get better treatment. I clung to Jack’s neck and cried into his soft fur, hating myself even more as he licked the tears away. Though I kept telling myself I wept for my doggie’s unfair treatment, I knew a few of those tears were reserved for Aedan O’Connor. Damn that man for stealing my heart and then breaking it. Damn me for letting him do it.

  Once I got to my room, I locked the bolt and fell into bed, snuggling with Jack for the rest of the afternoon, trying to hold myself together and failing miserably. Aedan never came to check on me. I figured he was too ashamed to face me after today, or maybe he just didn’t give a shit. I set my neurosis on overdrive, as I replayed every aspect of our relationship in my mind from the night we’d met until now. Aedan had been instantly attracted to me, breaking protocol and kissing me when he came to collect my soul. Then he gave me thousands of credits so I wouldn’t get stuck on the shitty bottom level of Purgatory. Apparently, it was a rare thing for a person to part with credits, although since he’d already made it clear he had no intention of moving up to Heaven, it wasn’t like he needed those extra credits, anyway. So why did he give them to me? To keep his promise that my afterlife would be better than the one I’d left behind? Or maybe because I looked exactly like his former fiancée, and he was using me to play out some sick fantasy that I was her? I had no idea, but the longer he stayed away, the more culpable he looked, and the more my stupid tears flowed.

  Men sucked. Why had I thought this relationship was going to work out? I should have just bought a vibrator.

  Just as the sun started to set, I jolted upright at a knock on the door. This knock came nowhere close to rattling my eardrums, so I feared it wasn’t Aedan, and it wasn’t like anyone in Alpha House had anything to say to me. They’d treated me like the squad pariah ever since I’d joined. The knock sounded again, and Jack raced to the door, barking anxiously. Whoever it was, Jack was excited to see them.

  I pulled myself out of bed and hobbled toward the door, groaning when I caught sight of my reflection in the dresser mirror. I smoothed back my hair as best I could before wiping beneath my eyes. I’d cried so much this afternoon, my mascara had smeared, making me look like a raccoon with a frizzy afro. Jack continued to whine and scratch the door, and I cringed when I saw where he’d peeled back some of the white paint on the wood. I gave up on my hopeless reflection and hurried to open the door before Jack did too much damage.

  Imagine my surprise when Boner and Sarge, my two Delta House friends, were waiting in the hallway. I screamed in delight and grabbed them each in a tight hug. Boner looked his usual scruffy self, with a mop of shaggy ginger hair and a beard to match. He was dressed for the beach in surfer attire and flip-flops. Sarge looked too damn sexy for his own good in a fitted green T-shirt and camouflage pants that hugged his tight, tanned, muscular body parts in all the right places.

  Thankfully, I didn’t see any bumps or bruises beneath that military crew-cut. I cringed when I remembered how I’d disobeyed his orders at our last assignment and used my wind to push him back. Only I didn’t know my own strength, so I’d ended up giving him a concussion instead. I had to work up the nerve to look into Sarge’s dark Latin eyes, and when he smiled, I exhaled a pent-up breath of relief.

  Boner bent down on one knee and scratched Jack behind the ears. Then he let out a low whistle as he poked his head inside my room and surveyed my new living quarters. “These are some fancy digs, Ash.”

  Honestly, I didn’t think it was all that special, just lots of crown molding, antique furniture, ugly flowered wallpaper, and pristine hardwood floors. The private en suite bathroom with a huge shower and jetted tub was nice, although I hadn’t minded sharing a bathroom with Sarge at Delta House. Besides, the furnishings over there actually made the place looked lived in. Here, I felt like I was living in a museum, afraid to touch anything for fear I’d ruin it. Even though Jack was housebroken, I was on pins and needles whenever he started sniffing the room, terrified he’d piss into some expensive vase or drag his ass across the Persian rug which probably cost more credits than I could earn in a year.

  I cringed when Boner stood and produced a box of cookies, tossing them to Jack over the threshold. “Oh, please don’t make a mess.”

  I stuck my head out the door and quickly scanned the hall, exhaling a sigh of relief when I didn’t see anyone. Grabbing Boner’s shirt collar, I jerked him inside my room and waved Sarge in, too.

  “What’s the matter?” Boner asked as Jack scooted closer to him, whimpering against his leg while keeping his gaze locked on the box of cookies.

  I felt a twinge of guilt when my doggie whined again. This wouldn’t have been an issue at Delta House. “I don’t want crumbs everywhere.”

  “Don’t you have your own maid?” Boner asked.

  “Yeah, but you know, getting ground cookie crumbs out of carpet is hard.” And knowing my luck, I’d probably ruin the carpet in the process.

  My gaze was drawn to Sarge, who was walking the perimeter of my room. His shoulders were pulled back, his spine ramrod straight as he surveyed the contents of my dresser. When he smiled down at a photo of my mom, one that I’d begged an IT guy running the level one surveillance cameras to print for me, my heart clenched. I didn’t know why that smile of his caused a surge of emotions to swell my chest. Maybe because I enjoyed Sarge’s rare and fleeting smiles. Maybe I was moved he would show compassion toward someone who meant so much to me. Maybe I still secretly had a thing for Sarge, and wondered, not for the first time today, if I’d chosen the right guy to be my boyfriend.

  When I caught Sarge staring back at me in the mirror, I had to look away as heat crept into my cheeks. I turned to Boner, who was still tossing Jack cookies, and cringed when I saw crumbs spew from my dog’s mouth with each bite.

  “Why don’t you feed him outside?” Sarge said. Obviously, he sensed my unease.

  “Good idea, Sarge.” Boner slapped his thigh and whistled for Jack, although he didn’t need to call him. Jack would have followed Boner down to the thirteenth level of Hell as long as he had cookies. My relief as they walked out onto the veranda and down the stairs was short-lived. Now I was alone with Sarge.

  He sat down on my bed, patting the mattress as if I was supposed to sit beside him. I paused, pondering what sitting next to Sarge could lead to. Even though I was seriously pissed at Aedan, I wasn’t a cheater. Never had been and never wanted to be. Maybe it was because I’d been cheated on enough times to know I wouldn’t wish that soul-crushing feeling of betrayal on anyone else.

  Still, it was hard to resist his crooked smile and those penetrating dark eyes. In the end, I sat on the bed, although I made sure to sit on the opposite end, in case he got any funny ideas.

  “So how you liking Alpha House?” he asked.

  “I hate it.” I turned to him, and that’s when I noticed the ugly red bump on the side of his head. Well, shit. I swallowed a wave of regret when I saw stitches fused through the center. “I’m sorry about your head. I didn’t mean it.”

  The tenderness in his smile matched the warmth in his eyes. “I know you didn’t.”

  I held my breath when he scooted closer. When his spicy male sc
ent wrapped around my senses, my instincts told me to fly out the door and down to the bottom level of Purgatory. Anything to get away from such temptation.

  I froze when he cupped my cheek and wiped under my eye with the pad of his thumb. Frowning, he pulled back his hand, looking at the moisture on the tips of his fingers. “You been crying?”

  I was too choked up to speak, so I just nodded. I had no idea why I was getting PMS-y all of a sudden, and my Aunt Flo wasn’t even due for another week.

  When Sarge cupped my cheek again, I averted my gaze while fighting the urge to sigh into his warm skin. One signal from me, and I knew we’d be falling on the bed in a tangle, knotted together so tight only an act of God could tear us apart. And then, hot damn, when his knee grazed mine, a shudder of desire coursed through me as if he’d flipped the switch on my lust-o-meter. This guy was not supposed to be turning me on. I had a boyfriend. This was so not good.

  “We miss you,” he said softly as he tilted my chin until I was forced to meet his eyes. “I miss you.”

  A lump of panic wedged in my throat, and I pulled back enough that he took the hint and released me.

  “I miss you guys, too.” I made sure to emphasize “you guys,” as in plural, as in I’m not missing your hot, tight, ass at all.

  He scooted back on the bed, his metal leg clanking as it scraped the frame. “Just ask, Ash, and I’ll work on getting you back with us.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t. Shadow said he’d fire me if I went back to Delta.”

  Shadows fell across his angular face, his full lips thinning as smoke swirled beneath his dark gaze. And just when I thought his cocky drill sergeant demeanor was sexy, he pulled the sexy-times-two with the pissed off look. It really wasn’t fair that he was so damn gorgeous.

  “That’s bullshit.”

  “It is what it is.” I pretended to be interested in a speck of grime beneath my fingernail. Nail crud was so much more manageable than unfulfilled desire. “Besides, Shadow is right. Look at your head.” I nodded toward his injury. It looked like an anthill with a train track running through it. Sarge had had to get stitches because of me. “I don’t want to risk hurting you again.”